The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
