dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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