I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
