I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
