I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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