I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
