bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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