I wish I only lived at night.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
