these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
