she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
