He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize