...so i touched it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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