Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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