WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
