I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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