Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
