is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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