you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
