lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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