suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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