so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
