some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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