Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think people are normalizing furries
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
