We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
