im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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