I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
