Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
