yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
