Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
