I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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