dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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