I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
