It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
