I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
