You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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