I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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