where does the pee come out of this thing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize