PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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