i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
