Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
