I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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