In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize