Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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