her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
