so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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