sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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