Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
