Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
