she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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