I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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