$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There's always time for handjobs
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
