Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
