I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
