He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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