allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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