a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize