What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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