She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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