grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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