I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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