when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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