I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
