Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
