i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Less talking, more tequila
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
