The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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