First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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