the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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