is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize