just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
