I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
