I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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