Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
