whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize