So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
