I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
