I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
