Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
