i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
