Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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