How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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