my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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