Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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