We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
