you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
