do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
