I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
