Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize