Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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