Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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