I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
