thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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