Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
