I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think my fart just growled at me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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