using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
