Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
