I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize