he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
