which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pooping to opera.
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