Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
